Trevan and I will be celebrating our two-year anniversary on Tuesday! I thank God each day for the wonderful husband he gave me. I also should be thanking Mr. and Mrs. Osborn for having him...
Again, those of you who know me, know that I am in no rush to have children. The idea of screaming my head off for hours and hours while this person comes out of the inner most part of my body does not fill me with warm fuzzy feelings! A month ago I was actually late, and I almost died when I realized that I might be pregnant. "I AM NOT READY", was the only thing that kept on flashing through my mind. Fortunately, it was a false alarm!
Both Trevan and I seem to be on the same page with the whole "not ready" thing. See, it's not only the birth pains that I am afraid of. It is the years of not knowing what choices my child will make...Will they be nice children or will they fight with other kids? Will they make friends easily or be outcasts of society? Will they marry someone that we can all embrace or will they be weird? The uncertainties go on and on.
Yesterday, we ran into a friend of ours that had a baby back in January. Since I had not seen the baby I was excited to finally meet her. My heart melted at the sight of her big gray eyes and her huge cheeks...Later that night I dreamt that we were pregnant and that our baby looked exactly like my friends baby. Trevan and I were extremely happy and comfortable with our new status as parents. When I woke up this morning I was at peace with the idea of one day being a mother.
Stop right there! I know many of you are breaking out the sparkling cider to celebrate the fact that I want a baby (Darlene, Mom, Mrs. Osborn, Rosie). Let me just put that cork right back in its place for you. We are still on the seven year plan! God just happened to reveal to me in my dream, that being a parent won't be as bad as I have always envisioned it to be. He also showed me that my child will one day bring much happiness to some other person's child just as Trevan has brought happiness to my life. It feels good to know that one day I will be able to give someone the gift that Richard and Norma Osborn have given me.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
On Food
Although I have nothing profound to say on the subject of food, I will admit...I love eating! For those of you that know me, this is no new revelation. You pretty much know that the only reason I exercise is to stop myself from becoming a balloon.
Lately, I have also developed an obsession with cooking. Not that that obsession translates into actual, tangible food, but I have dreamt up a bunch of recipes in the last couple days that I am dying to try, but haven't the time to make a reality.
The reason I am posting this blog is that I hope you will e-mail me some interesting recipes that you come across, and also to tell you about the link that I have on the sidebar to create your own veggie loaf! I think it is a fun site, even if I have not tried making any of them.
I also love going out to eat...My favorite types of foods are Italian, Chinese and Spanish! So I would really value some good recipes or some good invites!
Lately, I have also developed an obsession with cooking. Not that that obsession translates into actual, tangible food, but I have dreamt up a bunch of recipes in the last couple days that I am dying to try, but haven't the time to make a reality.
The reason I am posting this blog is that I hope you will e-mail me some interesting recipes that you come across, and also to tell you about the link that I have on the sidebar to create your own veggie loaf! I think it is a fun site, even if I have not tried making any of them.
I also love going out to eat...My favorite types of foods are Italian, Chinese and Spanish! So I would really value some good recipes or some good invites!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
On Unsatisfactory Lives
Trevan and I finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Apart from ending in a shameless plug for the final installment of the trilogy set to be released on May 25, 2007, the movie was just what I needed; a journey through a world of magic, adventure and fantasy.
With the music in the background, the Black Pearl sets sail with Captain Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth on their way to rescue Will. I felt it! The wind tussling my hair, the salty cent of the ocean filling my lungs, the swaying of the ship as the waves crash against it. Most of all, I felt the awakening of adventure, danger and mischievous piracy.
Why is it so easy for me to transport myself to ficticious worlds where danger and adventure seem to be what days are made of? Why do I yearn to live in a world where I am chased by a pirate who is neither dead nor alive for he yanked out his heart and buried it in a chest? Is it possibly that I crave this adventure because living in such a world seems less dangerous to my sanity than going to my boring job and living a routine existence?
Every single person I know has at some point in their lives complained about something that threatened to ruin their happiness here on earth. A job, a relationship, a house, a neighborhood...The list goes on.
Why then has no one done anything about it? Why don't I quit the job that keeps sucking the life out of me with its monotony? Could it be that I, like so many others have realized that the grass is not really greener on the other side? That after I find a new job there will be other things to threaten my happiness? Or is the reason more sinister? Maybe I do not try to change the things I hate because I want something to complain about. Almost as if complaining will make the unsatisfactory bearable.
With the music in the background, the Black Pearl sets sail with Captain Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth on their way to rescue Will. I felt it! The wind tussling my hair, the salty cent of the ocean filling my lungs, the swaying of the ship as the waves crash against it. Most of all, I felt the awakening of adventure, danger and mischievous piracy.
Why is it so easy for me to transport myself to ficticious worlds where danger and adventure seem to be what days are made of? Why do I yearn to live in a world where I am chased by a pirate who is neither dead nor alive for he yanked out his heart and buried it in a chest? Is it possibly that I crave this adventure because living in such a world seems less dangerous to my sanity than going to my boring job and living a routine existence?
Every single person I know has at some point in their lives complained about something that threatened to ruin their happiness here on earth. A job, a relationship, a house, a neighborhood...The list goes on.
Why then has no one done anything about it? Why don't I quit the job that keeps sucking the life out of me with its monotony? Could it be that I, like so many others have realized that the grass is not really greener on the other side? That after I find a new job there will be other things to threaten my happiness? Or is the reason more sinister? Maybe I do not try to change the things I hate because I want something to complain about. Almost as if complaining will make the unsatisfactory bearable.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
On Anger and Love
During the last couple days I have been reading Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship. As I read his thoughts on the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), I was truly convicted of my sin. Although I am trying to work on certain serious character deficiencies that seem to plague my existence, there is one in particular that always creeps back into my subconscious every time I think I am close to my goal. Anger! I can hold grudges for a lifetime! I know this for a fact :)
Matthew 5:22 says, "But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable of the judgment; and if you insult a brother or a sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say 'You fool', you will be liable to the hell of fire." How many times have I insulted those who wronged me behind their backs? I have seldom confronted them face to face as a mature adult would. Instead, I brood and confess my anger to Trevan and all my loyal band of friends.
To you I direct these thoughts. You who out of loyalty to our relationship have bowed to avenge those who hurt me by cutting them out of your lives. You know who you are! Many times I have done the same for you. There is no fury like that of a loyal friend who defends a wounded friends honor. Wholeheartedly I thank you for your allegiance and loyalty, as in the same breath I ask for your forgiveness. The command of God is to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matt 5:44). I have caused you to sin against God's law by "sharing" my hurt pride with you knowing your reaction will be anger.
My desire to "get back" at an offender and your desire to "back me up" has been to the defeat of us all. I now ask that your allegiance be to God and His requirement that we live above the world and its standards. Please help me to brush off insulting behavior and remember that my glory is in being a child of God.
Love you guys!
Matthew 5:22 says, "But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable of the judgment; and if you insult a brother or a sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say 'You fool', you will be liable to the hell of fire." How many times have I insulted those who wronged me behind their backs? I have seldom confronted them face to face as a mature adult would. Instead, I brood and confess my anger to Trevan and all my loyal band of friends.
To you I direct these thoughts. You who out of loyalty to our relationship have bowed to avenge those who hurt me by cutting them out of your lives. You know who you are! Many times I have done the same for you. There is no fury like that of a loyal friend who defends a wounded friends honor. Wholeheartedly I thank you for your allegiance and loyalty, as in the same breath I ask for your forgiveness. The command of God is to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matt 5:44). I have caused you to sin against God's law by "sharing" my hurt pride with you knowing your reaction will be anger.
My desire to "get back" at an offender and your desire to "back me up" has been to the defeat of us all. I now ask that your allegiance be to God and His requirement that we live above the world and its standards. Please help me to brush off insulting behavior and remember that my glory is in being a child of God.
Love you guys!
Monday, July 17, 2006
On Global Warming
Alan is a retired Lutheran pastor that lives in our apartment complex. He was recently in an accident that resulted in a broken leg and a totaled car for him. Trevan and I offered to help him in whatever way possible. At first his request seemed simple enough; he wanted us to take him to watch "An inconvenient truth", the Al Gore movie dealing with global warming.
I say at first because as the movie began and ignorance dissipated from my mind, anger set in and took over my being. Questions began plaguing me. Why was the current administration ignoring such blatant signs that something is wrong? Why are Americans being led to believe that the problem is not urgent or relevant? Am I part of the problem? I'm certainly not part of the solution...
There is this fear that resides deep inside me. Something that tells me I have not done enough; not for the environment, not for God, not for myself. As the movie progressed I realized that I have been sitting in self-imposed darkness as the world around me gradually but inevitably collapses.
What is my stand then? What will I do to correct years of damage on the environment? I will change my behavior! The United States contributes over 30% of pollutants that lead to global warming. I do not have to be one of the many Americans who live in denial. Here is a list of things I can do to stop my personal carbon dioxide output. Please join me!
I say at first because as the movie began and ignorance dissipated from my mind, anger set in and took over my being. Questions began plaguing me. Why was the current administration ignoring such blatant signs that something is wrong? Why are Americans being led to believe that the problem is not urgent or relevant? Am I part of the problem? I'm certainly not part of the solution...
There is this fear that resides deep inside me. Something that tells me I have not done enough; not for the environment, not for God, not for myself. As the movie progressed I realized that I have been sitting in self-imposed darkness as the world around me gradually but inevitably collapses.
What is my stand then? What will I do to correct years of damage on the environment? I will change my behavior! The United States contributes over 30% of pollutants that lead to global warming. I do not have to be one of the many Americans who live in denial. Here is a list of things I can do to stop my personal carbon dioxide output. Please join me!
- Purchase appliances that have an Energy Star seal.
- Instead of regular light bulbs use Compact fluorescent ones that use lots less energy.
- Use less hot water.
- Unplug electronic devices from walls when you are not using them.
- RECYCLE: for recycling information in your area call 1-877-327-84911.
- Plant a tree.
- When you purchase your next car, make sure it is a zero-emissions or a hybrid.
- Turn your thermostat down 2 degrees in the winter and up 2 degrees in the summer.
For more information visit www.climatecrisis.net and learn how you can help prevent a catastrophe. Remember: ignorance is bliss, but consequences aren't.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
On weddings
I've always had the sneaking suspicion that weddings cast some enchanting spell upon those involved even weeks before the festivities begin. This suspicion was proven true last weekend at Heather's (Trev's sister) wedding. The wedding took place in the Bay area at a majestic old mansion. Trevan did the homily and I was in the wedding party. About two months before the wedding I began to look forward to it with such anticipation it almost paralleled my own wedding excitement. Trevan and I even joined the gym to try to look better for this wonderful occasion...Ok, I joined to look better in my dress, Trev joined to be
"healthier". At any rate, all the preparation for this wedding got me thinking about the ease with which we fall under the "wedding spell".
Once the wedding festivities began I noticed, with amusement, the effects this "spell" was having on everyone. Ladies walked around with perfectly manicured and pedicured nails, new outfits and elaborate accessories to accompany these outfits. Guys were wearing tuxedos, pulling out chairs for women they were not interested in, and complaining about their shoes - yes, they complain about uncomfortable shoes too.
Trevan and I completely ignored out lack of rhythm and joined other good Adventist (including Trev's parents) in dancing to Beyonce's Crazy and MC Hammer's "Can't touch this" among other songs.
The festivities even got to Trev's 96 year-old grandma Keough who wanted some Champaign
even though she has never had alcohol in her entire life. Trevan assured me she was simply joking when she said that, but I wonder if the spell got to her too!
Although I kept telling myself that this departure from my good breeding was for the sake of the happy couple, it sounded more like rationalization than reality. The bottom line is that the beauty of weddings is that they allow us to blame someone else - the happy couple - for our conduct. Whether it was having to pay $50 for a hair cut, or $40 for shoes, or dancing like a total fool, we allow ourselves to truly embrace life because at no other time can we blame someone else for our indulgence...Maybe pregnancy is the only other time women can blame their behavior on someone else.
"healthier". At any rate, all the preparation for this wedding got me thinking about the ease with which we fall under the "wedding spell".Once the wedding festivities began I noticed, with amusement, the effects this "spell" was having on everyone. Ladies walked around with perfectly manicured and pedicured nails, new outfits and elaborate accessories to accompany these outfits. Guys were wearing tuxedos, pulling out chairs for women they were not interested in, and complaining about their shoes - yes, they complain about uncomfortable shoes too.
Trevan and I completely ignored out lack of rhythm and joined other good Adventist (including Trev's parents) in dancing to Beyonce's Crazy and MC Hammer's "Can't touch this" among other songs.
The festivities even got to Trev's 96 year-old grandma Keough who wanted some Champaign
even though she has never had alcohol in her entire life. Trevan assured me she was simply joking when she said that, but I wonder if the spell got to her too!Although I kept telling myself that this departure from my good breeding was for the sake of the happy couple, it sounded more like rationalization than reality. The bottom line is that the beauty of weddings is that they allow us to blame someone else - the happy couple - for our conduct. Whether it was having to pay $50 for a hair cut, or $40 for shoes, or dancing like a total fool, we allow ourselves to truly embrace life because at no other time can we blame someone else for our indulgence...Maybe pregnancy is the only other time women can blame their behavior on someone else.
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